








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
637 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,195 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1018 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1079 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 417 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 681 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $89,563 of utility $66 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ackerman | 85% | 13 |
| #2 | baaaz | 80% | 5 |
| #3 | alpha | 78% | 18 |
| #4 | perf | 77% | 13 |
| #5 | Hannah banana | 76% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | zweih | 67% | 12 |
| #9 | asdfLOL~ | 50% | 4 |
| #10 | M0nesy | 40% | 5 |
| #11 | tN1R | 27% | 11 |
| #12 | hally | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alpha | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | gosu | 1 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hannah banana | 78 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | Ackerman | 62 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | alpha | 58 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | gosu | 55 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | tN1R | 53 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | donk | +6.30 | 96 | 43 |
| #2 | perf | +4.61 | 89 | 57 |
| #3 | asdfLOL~ | +4.15 | 94 | 56 |
| #4 | M0nesy | +3.07 | 97 | 35 |
| #5 | gosu | +2.60 | 91 | 65 |





