








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 14 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
428 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,269 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 226 | 18% |
| Smokes | 273 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 354 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 416 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $81,034 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mister Chip | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | av3 | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | el sassquatch | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | LemMy | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | tr4ktor | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mister Chip | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | av3 | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | el sassquatch | 57% | 14 |
| #4 | LemMy | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | tr4ktor | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mister Chip | 2 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | el sassquatch | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | el sassquatch | 33 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #2 | Mister Chip | 20 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #3 | tr4ktor | 20 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | av3 | 17 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | LemMy | 3 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Groan | +2.00 | 77 | 72 |
| #2 | el sassquatch | +1.66 | 70 | 71 |
| #3 | av3 | +0.75 | 83 | 69 |
| #4 | Mister Chip | +0.06 | 69 | 48 |
| #5 | tr4ktor | -1.55 | 54 | 66 |





