








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 466 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 458 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 26 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4072 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,856 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4246 | 23% |
| Smokes | 5668 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 3930 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5012 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,299,744 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2313 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stew | 56% | 48 |
| #2 | Spooky K. | 54% | 109 |
| #3 | Paddy | 47% | 211 |
| #4 | Sarkoth | 43% | 37 |
| #5 | Skinny PP | 42% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stew | 56% | 48 |
| #2 | Spooky K. | 54% | 109 |
| #3 | Paddy | 47% | 211 |
| #4 | Sarkoth | 43% | 37 |
| #5 | Skinny PP | 42% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paddy | 18 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Spooky K. | 8 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | Stew | 5 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Skinny PP | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spooky K. | 267 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | Paddy | 206 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #3 | Stew | 156 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | Skinny PP | 109 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Sarkoth | 25 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stew | +3.65 | 61 | 70 |
| #2 | Spooky K. | +2.08 | 59 | 71 |
| #3 | Seeyah | +0.61 | 44 | 66 |
| #4 | Sarkoth | -1.15 | 64 | 53 |
| #5 | Paddy | -1.39 | 50 | 44 |





