








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 387 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 766 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5294 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,169 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2331 | 18% |
| Smokes | 7121 | 54% |
| HE Grenades | 891 | 7% |
| Molotovs | 2826 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,674,317 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 61 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Cop Cutie | 46% | 175 |
| #6 | Zacharious F. Caillou | 42% | 118 |
| #7 | BigWhiteCaulk | 42% | 166 |
| #8 | eggs in the afk basket | 41% | 87 |
| #9 | DonnyT4Lyfe | 40% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigWhiteCaulk | 15 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Zacharious F. Caillou | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Cop Cutie | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | eggs in the afk basket | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Archer | 2 | 0.0009 |





