








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 55 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1170 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,222 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1007 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1027 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 655 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 533 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $271,770 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 126 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Sparks | 49% | 88 |
| #6 | yee haw | 49% | 35 |
| #7 | avisual | 48% | 40 |
| #8 | Golden_Retriever | 47% | 15 |
| #9 | Flappy | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sparks | 12 | 0.0073 |
| #2 | avisual | 11 | 0.0133 |
| #3 | yee haw | 4 | 0.0057 |
| #4 | Flappy | 3 | 0.0159 |
| #5 | abberrrs | 1 | 0.0087 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sparks | 300 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | avisual | 156 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | Ruby [No Sound-Music] | 68 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #4 | yee haw | 57 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Flappy | 23 | 0.12 | 0 min |





