








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 79 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
344 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,073 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 332 | 31% |
| Smokes | 179 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 316 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 246 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $172,754 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Satan is a winner | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | Jalify | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | bappo | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | Mikey Quick | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Satan is a winner | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | Jalify | 52% | 23 |
| #3 | bappo | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | Mikey Quick | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Satan is a winner | 2 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | Jalify | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | bappo | 1 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Satan is a winner | 73 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jalify | 50 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | Mikey Quick | 32 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | bappo | 13 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jalify | +6.57 | 84 | 61 |
| #2 | bappo | +3.94 | 84 | 43 |
| #3 | Satan is a winner | +2.92 | 75 | 49 |
| #4 | Crillis | -1.55 | 65 | 49 |
| #5 | Mikey Quick | -3.06 | 41 | 52 |





