








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
404 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,524 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 486 | 32% |
| Smokes | 485 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 314 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 239 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $85,348 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☜Jordy✌☞ | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | MrJimWub | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Indomagicianツ | 54% | 35 |
| #4 | BigBallsNoSack | 54% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☜Jordy✌☞ | 80% | 10 |
| #2 | MrJimWub | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | Indomagicianツ | 54% | 35 |
| #4 | BigBallsNoSack | 54% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Indomagicianツ | 10 | 0.0145 |
| #2 | BigBallsNoSack | 4 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | ☜Jordy✌☞ | 2 | 0.0110 |
| #4 | MrJimWub | 1 | 0.0172 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Indomagicianツ | 121 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #2 | BigBallsNoSack | 49 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | MrJimWub | 15 | 0.26 | 0 min |
| #4 | ☜Jordy✌☞ | 3 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Indomagicianツ | +3.87 | 69 | 60 |
| #2 | ☜Jordy✌☞ | +3.42 | 69 | 32 |
| #3 | MrJimWub | +1.72 | 59 | 62 |
| #4 | BigBallsNoSack | -0.26 | 76 | 52 |
| #5 | Pantybeuker | -1.08 | 55 | 64 |





