








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1485 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,699 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 853 | 23% |
| Smokes | 995 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 799 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1052 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $609,293 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | JackPOPplunger | 52% | 129 |
| #3 | BongBigSchlong #BigSmoke | 50% | 38 |
| #4 | bob_on_drugs | 50% | 131 |
| #5 | fried chicken | 46% | 61 |
| #6 | LightningMcCreme | 45% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LightningMcCreme | 18 | 0.0163 |
| #2 | bob_on_drugs | 17 | 0.0064 |
| #3 | fried chicken | 13 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | JackPOPplunger | 9 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | BongBigSchlong #BigSmoke | 9 | 0.0120 |





