








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 45 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
487 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,834 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 258 | 14% |
| Smokes | 699 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 301 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 576 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $333,210 of utility $193 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 25 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Juudaz | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Rektum | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Takatukkamuumi | 47% | 19 |
| #4 | Toimii:D Schumi | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Vesa Keskinen | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Veikko Bursti | 32% | 25 |
| #14 | StugaB | 29% | 7 |
| #15 | HimoTouretPeek | 20% | 5 |
| #16 | Moake | 17% | 6 |
| #17 | Fjante Hörlur | 13% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laama | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | Juudaz | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | korhojoa | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Takatukkamuumi | 1 | 0.0025 |





