








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
765 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,126 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 330 | 16% |
| Smokes | 740 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 422 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 634 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $147,206 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | TheLastGamingTomato | 40% | 5 |
| #10 | [Boop] On the nose 🏳️⚧ | 38% | 24 |
| #11 | TheChickenman | 37% | 49 |
| #12 | KJelles The Camel | 31% | 29 |
| #13 | GiO | 26% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GiO | 57 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #2 | TheChickenman | 55 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | TheLastGamingPotato | 11 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | Ivoke | 11 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | KJelles The Camel | 9 | 0.01 | 0 min |





