








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 142 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
771 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,222 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 533 | 24% |
| Smokes | 630 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 873 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 186 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $329,494 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | checo | 10 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | Segfault | 6 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | judabricopouri | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | BIDE | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | Sick My Ducks | 2 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | checo | 87 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #2 | Kayl | 62 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Segfault | 41 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | BIDE | 33 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | seimosei | 32 | 0.14 | 1 min |





