








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
917 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,938 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 281 | 14% |
| Smokes | 888 | 46% |
| HE Grenades | 344 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 425 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $321,195 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | NiNiNiN | 50% | 28 |
| #6 | ClassiC | 48% | 21 |
| #7 | nap@work!!! | 44% | 18 |
| #8 | Pingurai | 43% | 65 |
| #9 | musicmixer33 | 20% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pingurai | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pingurai | 204 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | NiNiNiN | 95 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | nap@work!!! | 41 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #4 | keev | 12 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #5 | musicmixer33 | 11 | 0.09 | 0 min |





