








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 406 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 180 matches | ||
| Faceit | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 93 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3927 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2004 | 16% |
| Smokes | 2607 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3409 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4325 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,158,147 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 251 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | IdiotsCorp | 62% | 145 |
| #3 | raffsen. | 59% | 207 |
| #4 | SammY | 59% | 151 |
| #5 | z1c0 | 56% | 66 |
| #6 | rondadon | 53% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | raffsen. | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | SammY | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | IdiotsCorp | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | rondadon | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | z1c0 | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SammY | 755 | 0.24 | 18 min |
| #2 | IdiotsCorp | 477 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #3 | raffsen. | 218 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | rondadon | 163 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | z1c0 | 118 | 0.09 | 3 min |





