








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 391 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2705 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,085 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2623 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1688 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2524 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1250 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $708,242 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 282 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | LOCS999 | 48% | 64 |
| #9 | single mom of 17 | 42% | 24 |
| #10 | kurwa PINGVIN | 37% | 46 |
| #11 | DLHunter | 33% | 18 |
| #12 | ✪John-iwnl- | 33% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tak aizvewries bla | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | LOCS999 | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | kurwa PINGVIN | 2 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | single mom of 17 | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | ✪John-iwnl- | 1 | 0.0015 |





