








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 792 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 256 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 130 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 125 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 9 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 153 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3906 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,449 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5333 | 18% |
| Smokes | 9565 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 9934 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 4617 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,989,651 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 288 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...






