








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 951 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 381 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3316 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,432 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1086 | 12% |
| Smokes | 2953 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2780 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2613 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,255,963 of utility $139 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 40 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koning Koekeltoe | 54% | 253 |
| #2 | Koempel Tsuup | 52% | 178 |
| #3 | Foeksy | 50% | 217 |
| #4 | Meneer de Directeur | 49% | 69 |
| #5 | Dudi | 36% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koning Koekeltoe | 54% | 253 |
| #2 | Koempel Tsuup | 52% | 178 |
| #3 | Foeksy | 50% | 217 |
| #4 | Meneer de Directeur | 49% | 69 |
| #5 | Dudi | 36% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koning Koekeltoe | 21 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Foeksy | 19 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Meneer de Directeur | 10 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | Koempel Tsuup | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Dudi | 6 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Koning Koekeltoe | 306 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #2 | Meneer de Directeur | 97 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Koempel Tsuup | 81 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | Foeksy | 57 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dudi | 50 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toverbal | +1.93 | 50 | 41 |
| #2 | Meneer de Directeur | +0.13 | 64 | 49 |
| #3 | Koning Koekeltoe | +0.00 | 25 | 46 |
| #4 | Foeksy | -0.37 | 28 | 31 |
| #5 | Dudi | -2.08 | 34 | 32 |





