








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 29 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1114 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,699 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1445 | 31% |
| Smokes | 888 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1143 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1223 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $213,970 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MalkenBrutus | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | I <3 Panda | 57% | 61 |
| #3 | Kung #Road2sevenK | 50% | 40 |
| #4 | heffa | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | Bishamonten | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MalkenBrutus | 59% | 34 |
| #2 | I <3 Panda | 57% | 61 |
| #3 | Kung #Road2sevenK | 50% | 40 |
| #4 | heffa | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | Bishamonten | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I <3 Panda | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | MalkenBrutus | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I <3 Panda | 146 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | MalkenBrutus | 36 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #3 | heffa | 19 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | Kung #Road2sevenK | 18 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | Bishamonten | 12 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MalkenBrutus | +1.34 | 47 | 57 |
| #2 | I <3 Panda | +1.03 | 74 | 63 |
| #3 | Yura | +0.26 | 69 | 55 |
| #4 | Bishamonten | -0.09 | 89 | 41 |
| #5 | heffa | -0.94 | 71 | 42 |





