








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 599 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 362 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3418 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,933 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3671 | 26% |
| Smokes | 3223 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3645 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 3394 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,465,148 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 26 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | bana | 53% | 290 |
| #4 | ππ£ππ§π π π | 52% | 267 |
| #5 | eurodanceri | 47% | 81 |
| #6 | Pucachoβ€ | 46% | 169 |
| #7 | Pate =DDDDD | 42% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bana | 15 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | -- | 13 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | eurodanceri | 10 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | ππ£ππ§π π π | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Pucachoβ€ | 3 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ππ£ππ§π π π | 623 | 0.11 | 15 min |
| #2 | -- | 510 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #3 | bana | 491 | 0.08 | 12 min |
| #4 | Pucachoβ€ | 406 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #5 | eurodanceri | 294 | 0.16 | 8 min |





