








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1768 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 158 matches | ||
| Faceit | 138 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 107 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3889 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,676 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5689 | 29% |
| Smokes | 4653 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4806 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 4528 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,025,095 of utility $121 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 495 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | SO SWEATY | 56% | 39 |
| #4 | Khad | 53% | 32 |
| #5 | KyZ3 | 52% | 44 |
| #6 | a1ert | 50% | 42 |
| #7 | Beastlytrey | 42% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | a1ert | 215 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #2 | SO SWEATY | 191 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #3 | Khad | 160 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #4 | KyZ3 | 157 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | Beastlytrey | 142 | 0.17 | 4 min |





