








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 484 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 611 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 91 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




71 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5408 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,653 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5360 | 21% |
| Smokes | 6780 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 7794 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 5719 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,058,990 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 265 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | und so weiter | 55% | 47 |
| #2 | Grantelbart | 42% | 69 |
| #3 | Vercingetorix | 42% | 50 |
| #4 | Feni | 37% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | und so weiter | 55% | 47 |
| #2 | Grantelbart | 42% | 69 |
| #3 | Vercingetorix | 42% | 50 |
| #4 | Feni | 37% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Grantelbart | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Feni | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | Vercingetorix | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | und so weiter | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vercingetorix | 212 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #2 | Grantelbart | 146 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | und so weiter | 85 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Feni | 72 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | und so weiter | +0.06 | 50 | 47 |
| #2 | Grantelbart | -0.17 | 46 | 54 |
| #3 | JayOne | -0.47 | 26 | 54 |
| #4 | Vercingetorix | -0.58 | 43 | 68 |
| #5 | Feni | -0.66 | 60 | 56 |





