










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 164 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 200 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2490 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,574 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2307 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1678 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1699 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 890 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $500,134 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 577 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rupert | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | LeafyGreens | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Flashpass ≈⛟ | 47% | 34 |
| #4 | Melekepi | 47% | 30 |
| #5 | Mjgolfer | 43% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rupert | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | LeafyGreens | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Flashpass ≈⛟ | 47% | 34 |
| #4 | Melekepi | 47% | 30 |
| #5 | Mjgolfer | 43% | 83 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rupert | 2 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | Mjgolfer | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Melekepi | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Flashpass ≈⛟ | 79 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | LeafyGreens | 46 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | Melekepi | 40 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Mjgolfer | 30 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #5 | rupert | 29 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lord Jolly | +1.79 | 59 | 59 |
| #2 | rupert | +0.69 | 80 | 47 |
| #3 | LeafyGreens | -0.37 | 50 | 48 |
| #4 | Flashpass ≈⛟ | -0.59 | 58 | 61 |
| #5 | Melekepi | -2.72 | 33 | 38 |





