








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 6 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 107 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1159 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,687 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 975 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1459 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1197 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1056 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $328,810 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LameVy | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | dave | 56% | 9 |
| #3 | Luke3er | 54% | 41 |
| #4 | Buzz Lightyear | 52% | 21 |
| #5 | sweet bebe jesos | 51% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2012 Big Gucci Sosa | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | Buzz Lightyear | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | sweet bebe jesos | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | DonaldPump | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | LameVy | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Anus Africanus | 122 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | 2012 Big Gucci Sosa | 113 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Luke3er | 100 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | sweet bebe jesos | 95 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | dokey Þ. | 95 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dokey Þ. | +3.53 | 75 | 65 |
| #2 | dave | +2.90 | 97 | 63 |
| #3 | sweet bebe jesos | +1.81 | 75 | 63 |
| #4 | LameVy | +1.66 | 52 | 54 |
| #5 | Buzz Lightyear | +1.55 | 75 | 49 |





