








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 136 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1825 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1298 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2101 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1820 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1399 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $498,551 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Techniqo | 49% | 104 |
| #6 | taNembot | 48% | 110 |
| #7 | oba! | 48% | 25 |
| #8 | 5aku | 45% | 93 |
| #9 | Pentti | 42% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kääkib | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Techniqo | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Jukezu | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | taNembot | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | 5aku | 3 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jukezu | 562 | 0.19 | 17 min |
| #2 | Techniqo | 309 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | taNembot | 292 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #4 | kääkib | 249 | 0.11 | 8 min |
| #5 | 5aku | 75 | 0.04 | 2 min |





