








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
225 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 332 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 148 | 45% |
| Smokes | 135 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 7 | 2% |
| Molotovs | 42 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $81,367 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | gc.Toastie | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | gc.Profit | 58% | 12 |
| #3 | Kujurii | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | RoCkEy | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | Jubazz | 50% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zerqs | 33 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #2 | Jubazz | 19 | 0.23 | 0 min |
| #3 | gc.Profit | 10 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | RoCkEy | 7 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #5 | King Crumble | 4 | 0.02 | 0 min |





