








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 133 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
695 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,019 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1105 | 37% |
| Smokes | 676 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 517 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 721 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $145,066 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | not kalsa | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | blockovzki | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | ♔ evo | 56% | 27 |
| #4 | ramone | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | p90TRulz_-____> | 50% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | p90TRulz_-____> | 50% | 16 |
| #6 | firesenz ûl! | 50% | 62 |
| #7 | frydda | 48% | 29 |
| #8 | låso | 46% | 26 |
| #9 | Howie Dewitt | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | låso | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Howie Dewitt | 2 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | blockovzki | 2 | 0.0137 |
| #4 | ramone | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | ♔ evo | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | firesenz ûl! | 273 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #2 | ♔ evo | 73 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | p90TRulz_-____> | 64 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | ramone | 54 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | låso | 51 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CY | +1.31 | 73 | 75 |
| #2 | firesenz ûl! | +0.96 | 76 | 58 |
| #3 | ♔ evo | +0.59 | 66 | 71 |
| #4 | blockovzki | -0.32 | 73 | 75 |
| #5 | Howie Dewitt | -0.44 | 79 | 65 |





