








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 384 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 198 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2257 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,702 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3673 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1890 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2074 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2065 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $666,072 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 235 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sick cunt | 56% | 78 |
| #2 | mostgoat | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Butt Sniffer | 48% | 25 |
| #4 | Lean | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Pedro | 41% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Butt Sniffer | 48% | 25 |
| #4 | Lean | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Pedro | 41% | 49 |
| #6 | ♕Thor♕ | 40% | 45 |
| #7 | nate | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sick cunt | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | ♕Thor♕ | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | Butt Sniffer | 3 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | mostgoat | 2 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | nate | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pedro | 190 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #2 | Butt Sniffer | 168 | 0.30 | 4 min |
| #3 | ♕Thor♕ | 162 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | Sick cunt | 149 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | mostgoat | 86 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Butt Sniffer | +2.92 | 82 | 64 |
| #2 | Pedro | +1.18 | 82 | 47 |
| #3 | YoshGun | +0.31 | 66 | 69 |
| #4 | Sick cunt | -0.51 | 68 | 50 |
| #5 | mostgoat | -1.33 | 69 | 63 |





