








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1633 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 400 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 75 matches | ||
| Faceit | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 42 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6996 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,707 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4929 | 21% |
| Smokes | 7074 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 5014 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 6690 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,546,064 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 939 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Magician | 59% | 100 |
| #2 | ti fakeeess | 58% | 38 |
| #3 | Woods | 54% | 87 |
| #4 | [W3PD]kyblik | 52% | 165 |
| #5 | Luka♚ | 50% | 427 |





