








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Faceit | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2479 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,715 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1004 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1867 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2042 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1802 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $732,511 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | MEDINHO | 56% | 106 |
| #5 | NOVO SAL'AZAR | 55% | 49 |
| #6 | Yobz | 55% | 86 |
| #7 | XELAUT | 50% | 18 |
| #8 | Kadrian | 50% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MEDINHO | 7 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Yobz | 2 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | KierG*1143 | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Kadrian | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | NOVO SAL'AZAR | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MEDINHO | 406 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #2 | Yobz | 265 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Kadrian | 210 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | NOVO SAL'AZAR | 162 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | KierG*1143 | 128 | 0.13 | 3 min |





