








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 447 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 221 matches | ||
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3024 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,885 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4547 | 31% |
| Smokes | 3610 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3397 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3331 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $300,145 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 89 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | vess | 54% | 114 |
| #9 | KaLa | 53% | 173 |
| #10 | jollz | 48% | 25 |
| #11 | sobek | 46% | 41 |
| #12 | ThickSimp | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | timmmmsssu | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #2 | KaLa | 1 | 0.0003 |
| #3 | OMMEE | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Gibstone | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KaLa | 533 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #2 | timmmmsssu | 357 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | vess | 345 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #4 | OMMEE | 85 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | jollz | 60 | 0.11 | 2 min |





