








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 71 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 50 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
962 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,819 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 406 | 14% |
| Smokes | 932 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 811 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 670 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $549,560 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sitri | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Teseract ☂ | 54% | 101 |
| #3 | luke | 53% | 94 |
| #4 | Unfortunate | 32% | 19 |
| #5 | Redbaron | 0% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sitri | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Teseract ☂ | 54% | 101 |
| #3 | luke | 53% | 94 |
| #4 | Unfortunate | 32% | 19 |
| #5 | Redbaron | 0% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | luke | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Unfortunate | 2 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | luke | 210 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | Teseract ☂ | 124 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | Unfortunate | 30 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Sitri | 15 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #5 | Redbaron | 7 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Teseract ☂ | +3.96 | 95 | 54 |
| #2 | Hero | +0.04 | 74 | 51 |
| #3 | luke | -0.29 | 79 | 63 |
| #4 | Unfortunate | -0.45 | 71 | 45 |
| #5 | Sitri | -1.55 | 74 | 53 |





