








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1094 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 638 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8345 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 40,423 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 15909 | 39% |
| Smokes | 14101 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 7269 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 3144 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,974,572 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1247 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ƶ | 55% | 56 |
| #2 | Tuhmader_duh | 55% | 53 |
| #3 | tjgeezer529 | 54% | 123 |
| #4 | alaajohaa | 50% | 561 |
| #5 | Donsuela | 46% | 138 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Tuhmader_duh | 55% | 53 |
| #3 | tjgeezer529 | 54% | 123 |
| #4 | alaajohaa | 50% | 561 |
| #5 | Donsuela | 46% | 138 |
| #6 | ThiccBologna | 44% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alaajohaa | 17 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | tjgeezer529 | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | ThiccBologna | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Ƶ | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Tuhmader_duh | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alaajohaa | 639 | 0.05 | 16 min |
| #2 | ThiccBologna | 118 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Donsuela | 112 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | tjgeezer529 | 112 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Tuhmader_duh | 95 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ƶ | +0.63 | 44 | 47 |
| #2 | §NIPA445 | +0.45 | 54 | 67 |
| #3 | alaajohaa | -0.37 | 71 | 45 |
| #4 | Donsuela | -0.63 | 48 | 33 |
| #5 | Tuhmader_duh | -0.91 | 32 | 51 |





