










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 153 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 249 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




88 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1624 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,812 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 183 | 5% |
| Smokes | 2789 | 73% |
| HE Grenades | 362 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 478 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $356,420 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 544 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | LA Zoo | Giraffe(too drunk) | 46% | 57 |
| #4 | patrick | 46% | 250 |
| #5 | rUnRiOt | 44% | 185 |
| #6 | ClitCommanderâ„¢ | 44% | 80 |
| #7 | kansasCITYshuffle [--] | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | patrick | 68 | 0.0130 |
| #2 | rUnRiOt | 48 | 0.0122 |
| #3 | LA Zoo | Giraffe(too drunk) | 12 | 0.0096 |
| #4 | ClitCommanderâ„¢ | 10 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | LA Zoo | Gorilla (on crack) | 7 | 0.0149 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | patrick | 216 | 0.04 | 4 min |
| #2 | rUnRiOt | 147 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | kansasCITYshuffle [--] | 70 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | LA Zoo | Giraffe(too drunk) | 69 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | ClitCommanderâ„¢ | 37 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kansasCITYshuffle [--] | +3.63 | 62 | 62 |
| #2 | LA Zoo | Gorilla (on crack) | +1.91 | 38 | 61 |
| #3 | Quaka | +1.53 | 27 | 18 |
| #4 | LA Zoo | Giraffe(too drunk) | +1.45 | 62 | 37 |
| #5 | rUnRiOt | +0.72 | 62 | 38 |





