








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 471 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 191 matches | ||
| Premier | 103 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3951 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,192 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2362 | 23% |
| Smokes | 4137 | 41% |
| HE Grenades | 1668 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2025 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,529,452 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j. | 74% | 69 |
| #2 | WarrenSC2 | 69% | 59 |
| #3 | SardineS | 65% | 60 |
| #4 | Grimley | 64% | 36 |
| #5 | SUB2POKI | 63% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | j. | 7 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | x | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | WarrenSC2 | 5 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | SUB2POKI | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | 𝓗𝕯𝓝 | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | x | 542 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #2 | SUB2POKI | 507 | 0.21 | 12 min |
| #3 | SardineS | 379 | 0.29 | 12 min |
| #4 | VampyWorm | 275 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #5 | The | 273 | 0.12 | 6 min |





