








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 658 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 202 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 56 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2759 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,979 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1971 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1999 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 2970 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2039 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,363,792 of utility $199 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 409 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shroudspawn | 56% | 25 |
| #2 | A4 PoSiiTiv3 | 55% | 47 |
| #3 | Theyhey☯ | 55% | 38 |
| #4 | Bukkit | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | GOATY | 55% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | X | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | Aateigen * eXclusive | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | GOATY | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | G | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Ins | 2 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | X | 893 | 0.39 | 24 min |
| #2 | ✪DonT | 286 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #3 | Aateigen * eXclusive | 277 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #4 | Xhizorz | 198 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #5 | G | 185 | 0.23 | 5 min |





