








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 66 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2112 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,857 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1393 | 36% |
| Smokes | 938 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 766 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 760 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $568,575 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | my famas is jeff | 75% | 20 |
| #2 | Ren3 # Ger | 64% | 22 |
| #3 | SimplyJonny | 61% | 18 |
| #4 | The_DN5 | 61% | 28 |
| #5 | SnakTheRipperGG | 57% | 28 |





