










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 36 matches | ||
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
902 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,646 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 113 | 4% |
| Smokes | 355 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1425 | 54% |
| Molotovs | 753 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $542,975 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 257 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the oldest xbox known to man | 46% | 13 |
| #2 | John Goblin | 42% | 50 |
| #3 | Pirate Punkass | 42% | 77 |
| #4 | Formerly Joob | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the oldest xbox known to man | 46% | 13 |
| #2 | John Goblin | 42% | 50 |
| #3 | Pirate Punkass | 42% | 77 |
| #4 | Formerly Joob | 25% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Goblin | 10 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | Formerly Joob | 5 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | the oldest xbox known to man | 5 | 0.0182 |
| #4 | Pirate Punkass | 4 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pirate Punkass | 115 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | Formerly Joob | 63 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | John Goblin | 39 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | the oldest xbox known to man | 30 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pirate Punkass | +1.33 | 68 | 56 |
| #2 | the oldest xbox known to man | +1.10 | 47 | 47 |
| #3 | Formerly Joob | +0.25 | 63 | 40 |
| #4 | John Goblin | -1.98 | 12 | 34 |
| #5 | velvet | -4.12 | 6 | 23 |





