








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Edin | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1171 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,582 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 998 | 28% |
| Smokes | 526 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 816 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1242 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $516,497 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Shadesfear | 50% | 22 |
| #4 | solsikkeralph | 48% | 95 |
| #5 | ☆WHITΣFIELD☆ | 44% | 27 |
| #6 | epic/alpha anime gamer | 44% | 25 |
| #7 | Ketchupdreng | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shadesfear | 5 | 0.0119 |
| #2 | Ketchupdreng | 2 | 0.0102 |
| #3 | solsikkeralph | 1 | 0.0005 |





