








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 450 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3707 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,731 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2129 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2588 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2376 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1638 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $916,496 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Grizzly 🐻🐰 | 45% | 89 |
| #7 | Chololo | 44% | 66 |
| #8 | Eaglecot 🐻🐰 #debility | 43% | 83 |
| #9 | MissY | 42% | 97 |
| #10 | ✪HUNCHOAK | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Woodyy | 13 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Eaglecot 🐻🐰 #debility | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | MissY | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Grizzly 🐻🐰 | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Chololo | 2 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Woodyy | 485 | 0.13 | 13 min |
| #2 | Grizzly 🐻🐰 | 156 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Chololo | 139 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Eaglecot 🐻🐰 #debility | 125 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | chef | 86 | 0.15 | 2 min |





