








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 142 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2305 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,681 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1955 | 20% |
| Smokes | 2422 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2844 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2460 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $940,024 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | drunken monkey | 43% | 254 |
| #2 | Reiner Zufall | 40% | 57 |
| #3 | shn | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | drunken monkey | 43% | 254 |
| #2 | Reiner Zufall | 40% | 57 |
| #3 | shn | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | drunken monkey | 25 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Reiner Zufall | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | drunken monkey | 1527 | 0.31 | 34 min |
| #2 | shn | 79 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #3 | Reiner Zufall | 46 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | shn | +0.94 | 45 | 77 |
| #2 | Beerjay | +0.70 | 76 | 55 |
| #3 | drunken monkey | -0.59 | 41 | 60 |
| #4 | Reiner Zufall | -3.63 | 15 | 49 |





