








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Esplay | 15 matches | 1,516 | |
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1060 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,967 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 858 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1188 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 803 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1118 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $346,124 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kepssnusern | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | MR.VIDEPIDE | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | D4ddyLight | 1 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | _𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖆⛧ | 1 | 0.0056 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BETAN | 69 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #2 | Kepssnusern | 62 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | Hebbe | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | ✪ acorex | 42 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jerryio | 38 | 0.16 | 1 min |





