








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 666 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Esplay | 75 matches | 1,880 | |
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 50 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2478 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,247 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2794 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1878 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2329 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1246 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $682,872 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FKSHOTSV3NOM | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Tjukken | 59% | 29 |
| #3 | lasse | 58% | 24 |
| #4 | CHRESSA | 57% | 30 |
| #5 | zapsniff_8-] | 55% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | utzerheim | 520 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #2 | zapsniff_8-] | 230 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | BӨBBY DIGITΛᄂ | 157 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #4 | ambulars | 107 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #5 | cEng | 103 | 0.10 | 3 min |





