








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 331 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 277 matches | ||
| Faceit | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2777 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,111 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2401 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3718 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4099 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2893 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $759,472 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 696 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stuzzy | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | skeeto | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Renault Clio 1.6l | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Jootly | 4 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | 5 PEAT | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stuzzy | 591 | 0.26 | 16 min |
| #2 | skeeto | 496 | 0.22 | 13 min |
| #3 | 5 PEAT | 491 | 0.22 | 13 min |
| #4 | Renault Clio 1.6l | 339 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #5 | Jootly | 167 | 0.09 | 5 min |





