








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 439 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 299 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Esplay | 1 match | 1,267 | |
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3153 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,772 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3102 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3618 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3598 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2454 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,721,989 of utility $218 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 267 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Hallucine | 42% | 119 |
| #9 | Willy Stroker | 41% | 81 |
| #10 | Palmmar | 38% | 32 |
| #11 | ✭^F̅r̅e̅e̅z̅e̅e̅r̅^✭ | 35% | 34 |
| #12 | d0mo | 33% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hallucine | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Baggis | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | ✭^F̅r̅e̅e̅z̅e̅e̅r̅^✭ | 2 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | HΔL | Lukadz | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Willy Stroker | 1 | 0.0006 |





