








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 524 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 258 matches | ||
| Premier | 187 matches | ||
| Wingman | 162 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 116 matches | ||
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 63 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8892 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,312 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11117 | 37% |
| Smokes | 3475 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 8933 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 6787 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $738,843 of utility $34 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1048 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Matroška | 59% | 64 |
| #2 | Carry me Caribu | 58% | 177 |
| #3 | ⚠️Spleasy⚠ | 57% | 82 |
| #4 | Wendelschützschaltung | 54% | 150 |
| #5 | FettarmeWurst | 49% | 541 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Carry me Caribu | 58% | 177 |
| #3 | ⚠️Spleasy⚠ | 57% | 82 |
| #4 | Wendelschützschaltung | 54% | 150 |
| #5 | FettarmeWurst | 49% | 541 |
| #6 | Ⓜⓔⓒⓗⓐⓝⓓⓡⓘⓢ | 37% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wendelschützschaltung | 8 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | FettarmeWurst | 6 | 0.0006 |
| #3 | Carry me Caribu | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Ⓜⓔⓒⓗⓐⓝⓓⓡⓘⓢ | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Matroška | 1 | 0.0007 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FettarmeWurst | 3148 | 0.30 | 62 min |
| #2 | Wendelschützschaltung | 552 | 0.18 | 11 min |
| #3 | Carry me Caribu | 483 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #4 | Matroška | 242 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #5 | ⚠️Spleasy⚠ | 110 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carry me Caribu | +2.50 | 78 | 50 |
| #2 | LMS | +2.47 | 83 | 51 |
| #3 | Matroška | +1.92 | 68 | 72 |
| #4 | ⚠️Spleasy⚠ | +1.39 | 76 | 61 |
| #5 | Wendelschützschaltung | +0.71 | 85 | 51 |





