








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1404 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 441 matches | ||
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Esplay | 11 matches | 1,732 | |
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 99 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4681 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,429 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3408 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3591 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 5149 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 4281 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,750,117 of utility $238 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 968 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rubber Duck 3000 "FXF" | 67% | 36 |
| #2 | ✪ Mr. Nobody ✪ | 51% | 134 |
| #3 | Zikol | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | Nick with the little **** | 48% | 183 |
| #5 | Tjepper | 45% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rubber Duck 3000 "FXF" | 67% | 36 |
| #2 | ✪ Mr. Nobody ✪ | 51% | 134 |
| #3 | Zikol | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | Nick with the little **** | 48% | 183 |
| #5 | Tjepper | 45% | 116 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nick with the little **** | 11 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | Tjepper | 9 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | ✪ Mr. Nobody ✪ | 4 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Rubber Duck 3000 "FXF" | 4 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Zikol | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nick with the little **** | 711 | 0.19 | 20 min |
| #2 | ✪ Mr. Nobody ✪ | 549 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #3 | Tjepper | 261 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #4 | Rubber Duck 3000 "FXF" | 246 | 0.33 | 7 min |
| #5 | Zikol | 67 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nick with the little **** | +0.84 | 43 | 83 |
| #2 | ✪ Mr. Nobody ✪ | +0.73 | 44 | 82 |
| #3 | WizZz | +0.15 | 44 | 66 |
| #4 | Rubber Duck 3000 "FXF" | -0.53 | 26 | 69 |
| #5 | Zikol | -1.64 | 30 | 69 |





