








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 245 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 252 matches | ||
| Premier | 158 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4262 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,055 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6052 | 40% |
| Smokes | 4212 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1872 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2919 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,765,350 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 456 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DJ Jazzy Jess | 68% | 25 |
| #2 | ✪Bucky Shmurda' | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | Lich | 60% | 25 |
| #4 | sloppy bill on the pill | 59% | 85 |
| #5 | CraMdeN | 58% | 112 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #14 | Daybreak | 46% | 92 |
| #15 | dui2k | 43% | 44 |
| #16 | BibleClinger | 40% | 35 |
| #17 | the|Supreme | 39% | 49 |
| #18 | Moopz | 37% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JordanWhattt | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | holycow | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | sloppy bill on the pill | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | the|Supreme | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Numfa | 3 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daybreak | 409 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #2 | CraMdeN | 408 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | the|Supreme | 349 | 0.31 | 9 min |
| #4 | goblins are real | 331 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #5 | holycow | 293 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cagey | +2.03 | 60 | 64 |
| #2 | holycow | +1.97 | 54 | 67 |
| #3 | ✪Bucky Shmurda' | +1.43 | 82 | 73 |
| #4 | CraMdeN | +1.40 | 67 | 60 |
| #5 | JordanWhattt | +1.25 | 68 | 65 |





