








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 29 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
946 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,210 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 903 | 28% |
| Smokes | 663 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1013 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 631 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $305,094 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vikme | 66% | 29 |
| #2 | marvey | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | Max1 | 48% | 29 |
| #4 | Hodenkobold <3 | 47% | 53 |
| #5 | MASSAGIER Frau Popp | 45% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Falco Syßgott | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | MASSAGIER Frau Popp | 4 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | Hodenkobold <3 | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | vikme | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | marvey | 2 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Falco Syßgott | 334 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | schnyggl | 184 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #3 | vikme | 130 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #4 | Hodenkobold <3 | 115 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | Max1 | 97 | 0.14 | 3 min |





