








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 350 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1108 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,854 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1193 | 25% |
| Smokes | 812 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1700 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1149 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $649,717 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 215 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ace ♠ | 42% | 105 |
| #2 | FlannelMan | 40% | 121 |
| #3 | tõnutõukemõnu | 39% | 114 |
| #4 | Die Dönerpölizei | 37% | 102 |
| #5 | ShadowOfDiablo | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ace ♠ | 11 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | tõnutõukemõnu | 8 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Die Dönerpölizei | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | FlannelMan | 3 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | TOO SLOW | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ace ♠ | 219 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #2 | tõnutõukemõnu | 149 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | FlannelMan | 144 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #4 | Die Dönerpölizei | 116 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | TOO SLOW | 91 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ace ♠ | +3.84 | 83 | 66 |
| #2 | Die Dönerpölizei | +2.54 | 61 | 55 |
| #3 | FlannelMan | +1.79 | 59 | 57 |
| #4 | tõnutõukemõnu | -1.09 | 50 | 68 |
| #5 | Herr-Konzept | -2.79 | 36 | 59 |





