








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 231 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
895 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,317 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 395 | 30% |
| Smokes | 144 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 177 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 601 | 46% |
Our logs show you have wasted $617,983 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | PilCosby | 47% | 19 |
| #3 | HOOSIERdaddy740 | 45% | 93 |
| #4 | Keyser 702 | 41% | 137 |
| #5 | Bdubx19x | 31% | 29 |
| #6 | GlockLesnar | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Keyser 702 | 17 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | HOOSIERdaddy740 | 13 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | PilCosby | 4 | 0.0109 |
| #4 | Bdubx19x | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | GlockLesnar | 2 | 0.0073 |





