








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 134 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1780 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,853 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1298 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1002 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1101 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1452 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $410,311 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 65 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Xaitment | 61% | 66 |
| #2 | Larry Lörres ヅ | 52% | 130 |
| #3 | Señor Koivo | 51% | 57 |
| #4 | DaNeben | 42% | 38 |
| #5 | Horschdgerd | 40% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Señor Koivo | 51% | 57 |
| #4 | DaNeben | 42% | 38 |
| #5 | Horschdgerd | 40% | 47 |
| #6 | HAZE353 | 24% | 17 |
| #7 | GrimReefer | 15% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Larry Lörres ヅ | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | DaNeben | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | Xaitment | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Señor Koivo | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Horschdgerd | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Larry Lörres ヅ | 96 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #2 | Xaitment | 63 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Señor Koivo | 63 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | DaNeben | 50 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Horschdgerd | 23 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Larry Lörres ヅ | +3.41 | 74 | 59 |
| #2 | Xaitment | +0.78 | 62 | 50 |
| #3 | MadC4p | +0.08 | 69 | 54 |
| #4 | DaNeben | -0.81 | 34 | 52 |
| #5 | Señor Koivo | -1.38 | 52 | 47 |





